I never thought I’d miss someone this much, that by simply looking at our pictures that I set as the wallpaper of this pc at home, I’d remember how to smile.
I will try not to cry today. It’s 11:20 and that’s only 40 minutes left until I can cry, if ever I feel like it. Then I’d set a record and try to break it each day.
Can I really not cry? I don’t think so. It seems to have been embedded in me—to cry. I still believe that the formation of the little moles on the left side of my cheek stand for the path where my tears fall.
This is a brand new experience that I’m going through. Have I cared about someone so much and got separated from him? I faintly remember missing my brother when he was staying in a dorm near DLSU. I also remember missing my other brother when he went to take his masters in Australia.
But I didn’t cry this much.
In my past relationship, my ex-boyfriend never wanted us to be apart and I guess we almost never did. The only time we were apart for a long time was during Holy Week when I’m obliged to go the summer church retreat in Baguio and he has to go with his family to their house in Mauban, Quezon.
When else were we apart? I can remember the time when he went to Boracay, but I think I was busy with school that time so it didn’t feel so bad.
Ah! I remember when we were just a few months into our relationship and he got a summer job in one of his relatives' office. I remember emailing back and forth with him, saying that we miss each other. We were only 15 and 16 years old during that time. Somehow I’m always the older one.
Anyway, im saying that this is a new experience for me and I guess that’s why im quite a loss on how to handle it. I want to strike a balance, yet I teeter from side to side since I’m only just beginning.
I don’t want to shut out my feelings completely and numb myself from the pain because that would mean denying my love. But I also do not want to wallow in sadness and not be able to function while the one I love is away.
There must be some kind of balance. It must be found.
How do wives of seamen bare the separation? Or those with OFWs for loved ones? I remember one taxi driver telling my dad that he used to work for a sub-contractor. Unfortunately, the firm went bankrupt largely due to the MIASCOR canteen that owed the firm a lot of money. (MIASCOR, Manila International Airport Security Corps?) So because of this, he was laid off and his wife had to work as an caretaker or domestic helper in Taiwan. My dad, as usual, was veering the conversation to the financial gains one would get from working abroad that he didn’t hear the driver saying that it’s very difficult….because his wife is so far away.
He misses his wife. Awwww, how sweet.
It would be 2 more years until his wife can come home for a vacation and another year until she finishes her contract. Shucks.
What if I were in his shoes?
I still don’t know how to handle this kind of situation or what my absolute preference is.
I, of course, do not want to hinder the growth of another person, especially the one I love, similarly, I don’t want to be hindred of my growth either. So if the career plans point to going abroad, it ultimately is the decision of the person who plans to go.
Yet it’s so difficult not to think about the one that would get left behind.
Argh!
I don’t know what to do. I’m actually trying to convince myself..trying to inject some kind of logic, but it’s not working.
It’s 11:45 now. ( I seem to be checking the time more often these days)
I’ll try to go to sleep….
Monday, August 22, 2005
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Why does it seem lonelier when someone’s away? Even if at this exact time of day, we don’t really talk? Could it be that there is no one to look forward to seeing tomorrow? No pop-up notification from YM, AIM and MSN messenger saying that Aldrich is online?
I’ve just finished watching Ever After, starring Drew Barrymore in VCD. It was a nice, down-to-earth adaptation of the Cinderella fairy tale. Although the prince was quite arrogant…and well, I dunno. I’ve learned my lesson in relationships. You can’t teach old dogs new tricks, it’s very very hard and I’m not really up to it. What I’m saying is that when you meet someone who is arrogant and you go into a relationship with that person, don’t expect that the one you love will change for you. Change ulitmately should come and be for oneself, no one else. That way, the change will last.
Anyway, I still liked the movie though, it’s the feel good movie that, as usual, made me cry buckets of tears. To be honest, I think I just cried dippers for the movie and the remaining amount was to wash away my sadness. (Am I still corny?) It gets tiring to be sad and cry for such a long time. So I remember that I should be happy. Someone told me to smile always, that someone is who I’m crying for. So it makes no sense to cry because that person wants me to be happy. (Sinong cinoconvince mo?)
I noticed that I have started talking to myself even in the written word…
I don’t really care. There’s no use pretending to be sane.
Do you know that every now and then, I do not want to feel the wind, the breeze or any strong force hitting my body? I just want the air to be perfectly still and I want to sweat. Ergo, during these now and then times, I should consider living inside a sauna or steam bath room.
Did you also know that although tomorrow is Monday in the Philippines – a very busy (I hope!) working day, it is still Sunday in Chicago. Right now, it’s 09:00pm Sunday here while it’s 08:00am Sunday there. By the time I get to the office tomorrow, around 09:00am, it’ll be 08:00pm Sunday there. It’s still Sunday! I have to wait till Tuesday comes when it will finally be Monday in Chicago…Monday evening. Their Monday morning would be around the time I’m sleeping on Monday night. Aargh, stupid 13 hour time difference!
I remember before when Aldrich was in Dublin, since we were really close friends and I was extremely fond of him, I’d be happy when the clock hits 4pm coz it’ll be 8am in Ireland already :) It would only mean that I’d have someone to bug and tell my crazy stories and corny jokes to, hehehe.
Will the office allow me to go on Chicago shift?
I need to get a grip of myself. I am positively delirious.
(Beep,beep! Text message….)
Wow, I have a lunch date with my college friends Melissa and Nikki on Saturday, which also happens to be Oli – my ex-boyfriend’s 22nd birthday. We’re gonna get our yearbook, which again, reminds me of my ex because the creative shot that is in every yearbook shows me and him together. Oh well, 5 and half years isn’t something that should be forgotten anyway.
Oh, Aldrich’s birthday is coming up, this Wednesday! That day is also the deadline of my Health and Fitness article for the CIO newsletter. I’ve volunteered to write about Haviland Wellness Place in GT and interview my friends who work out there :)
I cant decide what to do! I’m rotting from indecision… I can’t decided if I should sleep now so that when I wake, it’ll be morning and I’d go off to work already; or I could stay up and wait until Aldrich wakes up.
Something tells me that I shouldn’t stay up until he wakes up, but I really miss him…. Hmmm, maybe I won’t wait..coz before he slept, I texted him and I guess I don’t want him to wake up to my text, too. I just don’t want to be annoying. So I guess it’s off to sleep or do whatever for me..
I’ve just finished watching Ever After, starring Drew Barrymore in VCD. It was a nice, down-to-earth adaptation of the Cinderella fairy tale. Although the prince was quite arrogant…and well, I dunno. I’ve learned my lesson in relationships. You can’t teach old dogs new tricks, it’s very very hard and I’m not really up to it. What I’m saying is that when you meet someone who is arrogant and you go into a relationship with that person, don’t expect that the one you love will change for you. Change ulitmately should come and be for oneself, no one else. That way, the change will last.
Anyway, I still liked the movie though, it’s the feel good movie that, as usual, made me cry buckets of tears. To be honest, I think I just cried dippers for the movie and the remaining amount was to wash away my sadness. (Am I still corny?) It gets tiring to be sad and cry for such a long time. So I remember that I should be happy. Someone told me to smile always, that someone is who I’m crying for. So it makes no sense to cry because that person wants me to be happy. (Sinong cinoconvince mo?)
I noticed that I have started talking to myself even in the written word…
I don’t really care. There’s no use pretending to be sane.
Do you know that every now and then, I do not want to feel the wind, the breeze or any strong force hitting my body? I just want the air to be perfectly still and I want to sweat. Ergo, during these now and then times, I should consider living inside a sauna or steam bath room.
Did you also know that although tomorrow is Monday in the Philippines – a very busy (I hope!) working day, it is still Sunday in Chicago. Right now, it’s 09:00pm Sunday here while it’s 08:00am Sunday there. By the time I get to the office tomorrow, around 09:00am, it’ll be 08:00pm Sunday there. It’s still Sunday! I have to wait till Tuesday comes when it will finally be Monday in Chicago…Monday evening. Their Monday morning would be around the time I’m sleeping on Monday night. Aargh, stupid 13 hour time difference!
I remember before when Aldrich was in Dublin, since we were really close friends and I was extremely fond of him, I’d be happy when the clock hits 4pm coz it’ll be 8am in Ireland already :) It would only mean that I’d have someone to bug and tell my crazy stories and corny jokes to, hehehe.
Will the office allow me to go on Chicago shift?
I need to get a grip of myself. I am positively delirious.
(Beep,beep! Text message….)
Wow, I have a lunch date with my college friends Melissa and Nikki on Saturday, which also happens to be Oli – my ex-boyfriend’s 22nd birthday. We’re gonna get our yearbook, which again, reminds me of my ex because the creative shot that is in every yearbook shows me and him together. Oh well, 5 and half years isn’t something that should be forgotten anyway.
Oh, Aldrich’s birthday is coming up, this Wednesday! That day is also the deadline of my Health and Fitness article for the CIO newsletter. I’ve volunteered to write about Haviland Wellness Place in GT and interview my friends who work out there :)
I cant decide what to do! I’m rotting from indecision… I can’t decided if I should sleep now so that when I wake, it’ll be morning and I’d go off to work already; or I could stay up and wait until Aldrich wakes up.
Something tells me that I shouldn’t stay up until he wakes up, but I really miss him…. Hmmm, maybe I won’t wait..coz before he slept, I texted him and I guess I don’t want him to wake up to my text, too. I just don’t want to be annoying. So I guess it’s off to sleep or do whatever for me..
If I cry each day for six weeks, will I lose a considerable amount of pounds? Can I now apply for the Visine Tears print ad?
Just trying to see the humor in things…
Everything seemed to be fine for the entire day, I even got to talk to Drich over the phone coz he settled in the apartment already. I even joked around with Ricky…I thought I was okay, but hey, everyone has their episodes…
I continued reading the History of Love book and at the end of one chapter, something reminded me of Drich and that I wouldn’t be seeing him until the 3rd of October. It could be the feeling of sadness of the person talking in the book over memories of the past, of a friend that he lost, whom he couldn’t seem to forget. It’s such a sad scene that was abruptly cut off by the change of tone in the next chapter. It was when the friend he was talking about was still alive, and in the new chapter, that friend he lost was the one talking and living the moments that will eventually become memories of the past.
Memories. They come to haunt you.
That scene got me ‘unglued.’ (unglued, taken from Amanda Peet’s character in As Good As It Gets)
So I put the book down, slide down to a lying position on my bed but changed my mind in an instant. I stood up, opened the radio for some noise and company and looked outside the window…the trees, the setting sun, the soft breeze, the perfect scene.
It was my favorite time of the day. 5:30pm.
But I was looking out the window, seeing my reflection if I look closer than farther, and seeing my eyes water and finally roll down the tears…continuously.
Will I go on like this until my tomorrow finally comes?
“Bukas, bukas ulit…”
Just trying to see the humor in things…
Everything seemed to be fine for the entire day, I even got to talk to Drich over the phone coz he settled in the apartment already. I even joked around with Ricky…I thought I was okay, but hey, everyone has their episodes…
I continued reading the History of Love book and at the end of one chapter, something reminded me of Drich and that I wouldn’t be seeing him until the 3rd of October. It could be the feeling of sadness of the person talking in the book over memories of the past, of a friend that he lost, whom he couldn’t seem to forget. It’s such a sad scene that was abruptly cut off by the change of tone in the next chapter. It was when the friend he was talking about was still alive, and in the new chapter, that friend he lost was the one talking and living the moments that will eventually become memories of the past.
Memories. They come to haunt you.
That scene got me ‘unglued.’ (unglued, taken from Amanda Peet’s character in As Good As It Gets)
So I put the book down, slide down to a lying position on my bed but changed my mind in an instant. I stood up, opened the radio for some noise and company and looked outside the window…the trees, the setting sun, the soft breeze, the perfect scene.
It was my favorite time of the day. 5:30pm.
But I was looking out the window, seeing my reflection if I look closer than farther, and seeing my eyes water and finally roll down the tears…continuously.
Will I go on like this until my tomorrow finally comes?
“Bukas, bukas ulit…”
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I just realized that I haven't written about the super-kilig things that my BF has done for me....because I’m about to tell of another one! Aldrich is leaving for Chicago this coming Saturday and we've been spending more time than usual with each other since he'll be gone for 6 weeks...past my birthday and his, awwww.
Anyways, before I tell of what he did tonight, I’ll give a brief background of what he did before--when he was still courting me. One of the most memorable dates we had happened on June 11. It was just a few days after I gave him the 'go' to court me. He brought me to Orichidarium in Ma. Orosa in Manila and the place was just like heaven's garden on earth! The entrance itself was breathtaking, made of stone posts forming an arc shape and covered with shrubs to give that 'secret garden' kind of feeling.
Anyways, before I tell of what he did tonight, I’ll give a brief background of what he did before--when he was still courting me. One of the most memorable dates we had happened on June 11. It was just a few days after I gave him the 'go' to court me. He brought me to Orichidarium in Ma. Orosa in Manila and the place was just like heaven's garden on earth! The entrance itself was breathtaking, made of stone posts forming an arc shape and covered with shrubs to give that 'secret garden' kind of feeling.
Above the pathway was also an intricate design of vines in an arc shape serving as the top cover. Then there was this mini-bridge which led to the Lush Life restaurant. The waiter guided us to the side of the resto into a circular area surrounded by flowering plants and shrubs everywhere and there was a tree that hung its leaves just above the table for two where we dined on. Upon sitting down, the waiter suddenly went around the place and lit the candles encircling the area one by one! I couldn't keep the smile off my face coz it was my perfect date come true! I really couldn't believe it! We dined by candlelight and there was also a glass bowl on the table with flowers floating on water...shucks!
The food was good especially the apple fritters topped with vanilla ice cream and at a reasonable price. It just makes me smile every time I remember that event!
Another memorable event was the time when he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was Saturday and when we met up in the morning, I was faced with a huge huge bouquet of deep red roses, 8 dozen of them bunched together in one bouquet! I was shocked and speechless! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I’d get 8 dozed roses! My constant dream was simply to get a dozen, which I felt was already too much for the ordinary guy..but no, I got 8 dozen! Hahahah, I guess he's no ordinary guy. :)
Another memorable event was the time when he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was Saturday and when we met up in the morning, I was faced with a huge huge bouquet of deep red roses, 8 dozen of them bunched together in one bouquet! I was shocked and speechless! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I’d get 8 dozed roses! My constant dream was simply to get a dozen, which I felt was already too much for the ordinary guy..but no, I got 8 dozen! Hahahah, I guess he's no ordinary guy. :)
We hung out till I had to leave to go to Mel’s birthday party in the evening. Since I didn't have any ride home, he and his friends picked me up from Shangri-La Mall. When I got in the car, the flowers were beside me and he said that we'd pass by some place before he'll take me home. It was Oscar, his friend driving and he drove past Makati and then we were in the Macapagal Blvd area and he finally stopped driving in front of this huge church that stood alone in the area. Upon seeing the church, my heart started racing coz I had this gut feel that he might pop the big question that night. I got down the van then he motioned me to go the front and look at something, he took out a box of 24 pcs Ferrero Rocher chocolates! Now this really made me stop breathing for a split second coz I knew that it was the night coz we had a joke about those chocolates--that I’d answer the person who gives me a box of 24 ferreros... So he led me to the church and my mind was cloudy as I walked up the steps. We went to the balcony of the church but looked for a different spot because there was a guard in that area. We ended up talking beside a tree on the vast area on the side of the church.
We talked for a while about things that I don't even remember now coz all I could hear was my heart beating and my heavy breathing. I really liked where we were standing coz we could see the vast expanse of the boulevard and the string of lights shone against the dark black sky, which occasionally let out the sound of thunder. All I remember now was when he asked me, "Can you be my girlfriend?" I paused for a while and turned my head away from him. Then he gave me option, "Yes or Not ready?" I turned my head towards him and gave him a slow, sweet smile, "Yes". Hehehehe. That made us officially an item on July 3 @ 1 am. :)
Finally, after narrating those two very very memorable and super kilig events, I got another one to tell!
Today was like any normal day except that the day of his departure was looming ahead. I went to the gym after work (finally!) and he fetched me there. He gave me three options on where to eat: The floating resto at Baywalk, Orchidarium or somewhere in Makati. Since I just got out of the gym, I was famished so we went to eat at Dome in Makati. The place was quiet and cozy and I loved the Baby Choc drink which is like the Churros dip and their Flourless Chocolate Cake was to die for!! I absolutely recommend it especially for chocolate lovers, the richness of the chocolate was perfect and the caramel sauce on the plate provided just the right sweetness now and then. Our main dish was Roast beef with rice, potatoes and salad but I found it extremely oily even though it tasted good. Dome still remains a dessert place for me after that experience.
Anyway, going back, hahaha (I got carried away by the food), after eating, Aldrich took me to Dangwa, the guys' secret shopping place for cheap flowers! I never saw so much flowers in one place all my life! Again, I was awed! We went around the entire area, crossing two streets to go from the block that sells arranged flowers and the block where you arrange them yourselves. After surveying the variety of flowers, I realized that I am fascinated with Malaysian Mums! After searching some more, we found this store that had an arranged bouquet of a few mums, dahlia, anthurium, a cauliflower looking thing and irises; so we asked them to rearrange the bouquet and throw in another dozen of different colored mums, hehehe. I especially like the purple and white mums, I don't know why, but I light up and smile every time I see them :) I got my perfect bouquet and the vendor even added extra orange irises to make my bouquet more colorful. The dahlia was fuschia in color; the anthurium, light blue and the mums came in white, purple, red wine, white with violet specks, yellow, yellow with pink tips and pure yellow and yellow green! Yey! :)
Today was like any normal day except that the day of his departure was looming ahead. I went to the gym after work (finally!) and he fetched me there. He gave me three options on where to eat: The floating resto at Baywalk, Orchidarium or somewhere in Makati. Since I just got out of the gym, I was famished so we went to eat at Dome in Makati. The place was quiet and cozy and I loved the Baby Choc drink which is like the Churros dip and their Flourless Chocolate Cake was to die for!! I absolutely recommend it especially for chocolate lovers, the richness of the chocolate was perfect and the caramel sauce on the plate provided just the right sweetness now and then. Our main dish was Roast beef with rice, potatoes and salad but I found it extremely oily even though it tasted good. Dome still remains a dessert place for me after that experience.
Anyway, going back, hahaha (I got carried away by the food), after eating, Aldrich took me to Dangwa, the guys' secret shopping place for cheap flowers! I never saw so much flowers in one place all my life! Again, I was awed! We went around the entire area, crossing two streets to go from the block that sells arranged flowers and the block where you arrange them yourselves. After surveying the variety of flowers, I realized that I am fascinated with Malaysian Mums! After searching some more, we found this store that had an arranged bouquet of a few mums, dahlia, anthurium, a cauliflower looking thing and irises; so we asked them to rearrange the bouquet and throw in another dozen of different colored mums, hehehe. I especially like the purple and white mums, I don't know why, but I light up and smile every time I see them :) I got my perfect bouquet and the vendor even added extra orange irises to make my bouquet more colorful. The dahlia was fuschia in color; the anthurium, light blue and the mums came in white, purple, red wine, white with violet specks, yellow, yellow with pink tips and pure yellow and yellow green! Yey! :)
Receiving flowers really makes me happy! My first encounter with mums was the time when Aldrich gave me a Varia Bouquet from Holland Tulips. This was the day when he told me that he loved me...hehehe, and the mums made an impression on me ever since.
Too bad I don't have a camera now so I just looked for pictures of the flowers I have on the Internet so whoever’s reading my blog can visualize my bouquet :)
I can say that I’ve never felt this happy with anyone else in my life! I want to thank God for blessing me with some one like Aldrich. :)
Sunday, August 14, 2005
A Weighty Issue
I didn't really foresee any adverse effects to my getting fat except that i would need bigger clothes..
At this phase in my life, i have lost that firm and paranoid grip that i have on myself to always watch what i'm eating. For the past five years, i just kept on dieting but then binge eating it back again until it became a viscious cycle. I can honestly say that i never really felt good about myself or my body's physical appearance until this year. I had poor self image and felt that if i became thinner, my self-image would improve. Little did i know that it's not my body that i needed to change, but my perspective and my idea of self-worth. I finally understood that body size or shape is not directly proportional to amount of self-worth. I really feel good about myself even if i'm fat right now. Yes, i am around 20 pounds overweight, hehehehe, but i don't feel a tad bit ugly. I can't really explain why but i feel good and confident about myself and i'm really happy about it.
The reason why i'm planning to lose the excess weight is to cut down on my expenses. I dont' want to buy a whole new wardrobe coz i don't have the money for it! Another thing is i am annoyed by the little skin growths on my face which i think is due to cholesterol or eating oily food. Lastly, the back of my calves have grown spiderveins from lack of exercise, hahahaha! Oh, im also wasting my money on my Fitness First membership (P2050/mo) if i don't use it.
So my plan is to gradually cut down on the takaw-mata food and start exercising more. I don't plan to go on crash-then-binge diets again or eat flavorless food or become a vegetarian. No, siree! I love my food rich in flavor and it always delights me to try out new and different restaurants! So to compensate for that, i need to rechannel my energy into exercising more. I actually agree with the slogans painted on the walls of Fitness First..."The extra mile is just between your ears" and "Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going". No words spoken so true. It's all in the mind! It's just a matter of convincing yourself to want to do it and it shall be done.
Aldrich and I have a bet to make losing weight more interesting and more motivating. The conditions: I should have lost 10 lbs by the time he comes back from Chicago (6 weeks,starting Aug 20) and he should have lost 15 lbs. The clauses: if we both reach the target weight, the judging of the winner will be based on who loses more extra weight than the other, (e.g. my 12 lbs is equal to his 17 lbs). And the reward/punishment: The loser will become the winner's slave for a day! Hahahaha! Who wants to be a slave? None! Who wants to get a slave? Me and probably him too! Hahahah! I will win! I just know it, i should because i have beter resources! hehehe.
I didn't really foresee any adverse effects to my getting fat except that i would need bigger clothes..
At this phase in my life, i have lost that firm and paranoid grip that i have on myself to always watch what i'm eating. For the past five years, i just kept on dieting but then binge eating it back again until it became a viscious cycle. I can honestly say that i never really felt good about myself or my body's physical appearance until this year. I had poor self image and felt that if i became thinner, my self-image would improve. Little did i know that it's not my body that i needed to change, but my perspective and my idea of self-worth. I finally understood that body size or shape is not directly proportional to amount of self-worth. I really feel good about myself even if i'm fat right now. Yes, i am around 20 pounds overweight, hehehehe, but i don't feel a tad bit ugly. I can't really explain why but i feel good and confident about myself and i'm really happy about it.
The reason why i'm planning to lose the excess weight is to cut down on my expenses. I dont' want to buy a whole new wardrobe coz i don't have the money for it! Another thing is i am annoyed by the little skin growths on my face which i think is due to cholesterol or eating oily food. Lastly, the back of my calves have grown spiderveins from lack of exercise, hahahaha! Oh, im also wasting my money on my Fitness First membership (P2050/mo) if i don't use it.
So my plan is to gradually cut down on the takaw-mata food and start exercising more. I don't plan to go on crash-then-binge diets again or eat flavorless food or become a vegetarian. No, siree! I love my food rich in flavor and it always delights me to try out new and different restaurants! So to compensate for that, i need to rechannel my energy into exercising more. I actually agree with the slogans painted on the walls of Fitness First..."The extra mile is just between your ears" and "Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going". No words spoken so true. It's all in the mind! It's just a matter of convincing yourself to want to do it and it shall be done.
Aldrich and I have a bet to make losing weight more interesting and more motivating. The conditions: I should have lost 10 lbs by the time he comes back from Chicago (6 weeks,starting Aug 20) and he should have lost 15 lbs. The clauses: if we both reach the target weight, the judging of the winner will be based on who loses more extra weight than the other, (e.g. my 12 lbs is equal to his 17 lbs). And the reward/punishment: The loser will become the winner's slave for a day! Hahahaha! Who wants to be a slave? None! Who wants to get a slave? Me and probably him too! Hahahah! I will win! I just know it, i should because i have beter resources! hehehe.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Thoughts of the Moment
I actually have a working computer here at home! My brother gave his old pc to me coz he got a new one. His monitor is even flat screen!
*** Reading the newspaper ***
I chanced upon an article on Zhang Zi Yi who's said to become an international star once Stephen Spielberg releases Geisha, his adaptation of the acclaimed book Memoirs of a Geisha, with Zhang Zi Yi as the lead. The article i read also talked about another movie that Zhang starred in as a prostitute: 2046, a Wong Kar Wai film that i wasn't able to watch. I started becoming interested in watching War Kar Wai's works after watching In the Mood for Love around 2 or 3 years ago. The movie was unlike any other movie i watched, it leans more on the artistic side and to be honest, what piques my curiosity is the fact that i cannot fathom the movie at once. I am delightfully puzzled all throughout the movie and at the end, the light slowly comes to me and i finally understand the movie. That is such a cool feeling! One American movie that comes close to that is Sliding Doors, starring Gwyneth Paltrow. I really like them a bit confusing, that's the way that i never forget them.
*** Watching Channel [V] ***
I'm watching Channel [V] Double Shot right now and the themes of the last 4 songs are all women who have been cheated on..shucks! I had my share of that but it was a long time ago. I'm in my 2nd relationship right now and quite new also, we just celebrated our first monthsary last Aug 3 :) There was a point in time when i was still 'healing' from my previous relationship that i felt that i could sustain being single forever - that men just complicate my life. Somehow, that logical part of me seems to have been shortlived coz i had an 'almost' relationship a few months after the breakup...I'm over that now, again. I just seem to need to learn the hard way, tsk tsk. Anyway, now, the reason why i got into my 2nd relationship is coz this guy gives me hope. When i thought i'd give up on the male species, he comes along and shows me that not everyone is the same, that there's someone out there who's sincere, who cares for me, respects me, is there for me, who wants the best for me and would not impede my freedom, my personal space, and my growth as a person. That last line is very very important to me. I'm the type of person who can get caught up in a created world but i'm also the type who would occassionally want to venture out into the unknown and well, simply try out new things and meet new friends. I find that i am more easily able to open up to guys and because of that i have lots of guy friends or acquiantances. I need my guy to accept that and not get jealous because it's just really part of me. Having experienced so much hurt in the past definitely taught me a lot of lessons on relationships and also clearly defined my stand on things.
*** Still Watching Channel [V] ***
Ooh,ooh! Something to get excited about! (At least for me, hehe) The Britney and Kevin show, aptly entitled "Britney + Kevin: Chaotic", is premiering on Channel [V] on August 22, 7pm! Yey!! I absolutely adore Britney Spears and i can't really explain why and i don't really care that i can't. She is soo pretty! Hehehe. Another band band that i really like is Maroon 5. I like the tone of their songs, there's some oldie twist to their tunes that captivates me and gets me listening and enjoying everytime i hear their music. Maybe i should buy their album...hmmm,maybe when i finish paying off my credit card debt!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Here i am again...
I'm using the secondary (slower) laptop this time coz i have to finish some administrative tasks for the project..im the training coordinator! Lately, i dunno why there seems to be so much work or that i don't have enough time to finish all of them... I'm pondering the matter right now, is it me or is it work? Do i chat more often? Go down to grab a bite more often? Surf other sites more often? Change msn display pictures more often? Hehehe...so you see what other stuff i do besides work!
Anyway, today, i met up with Aldrich at the office then we went to Glorietta to eat lunch. We decided to try Tony Roma's-- Famous for its Baby Back Ribs since both of us haven't eaten there before. We ordred Tony Roma's Sampler where 3 or 4 varieties of ribs were in one dish. Oh and the Skillet Cookie Sundae was heavenly!! The chocolate syrup and chocoalte chip cookie was so rich and flavorful then balanced out by the huge scoop of cool vanilla ice cream on top!
Afterwards, i felt soo full and i felt uneasy with my top- i wanted to wear something more comfy, something that would allow me to move easily and not keep worrying that my fats would show. This feeling of mine took us to the glorietta tiangge area, bench, crossings department store and finally to Plains and Prints where i finally found this really cute girly top that i can also wear in the office! I dont' really know how to describe clothes so just take my word for it that its cute and girly. THe more important thing is that it hid my fats!
However, after finally changing clothes, it was too late to follow through with our plan of painting ceramics at Color Me Mine. This is sooooo depressing...well coz ive really wanted to go paint ever since last week...no one's to blame but me of course coz i shouldve managed my time better. I had a birthday party to attend to so i had to hed home by 5pm. I think i finished looking for clothes at around 4pm! The Colore Me Mine shop in Shangrila was reserved for a party and it was too late to go to the Podium branch.... awwwww. I was so disappointed that i even cried about this when i got home.. i dunno i just felt so bad. After crying, i felt a bit better with some hope restored that the Accenture tie up with the store would stil be renewed.
THere! I just wanted to let that out, hehehe. That's what blogs are for! :)
I'm using the secondary (slower) laptop this time coz i have to finish some administrative tasks for the project..im the training coordinator! Lately, i dunno why there seems to be so much work or that i don't have enough time to finish all of them... I'm pondering the matter right now, is it me or is it work? Do i chat more often? Go down to grab a bite more often? Surf other sites more often? Change msn display pictures more often? Hehehe...so you see what other stuff i do besides work!
Anyway, today, i met up with Aldrich at the office then we went to Glorietta to eat lunch. We decided to try Tony Roma's-- Famous for its Baby Back Ribs since both of us haven't eaten there before. We ordred Tony Roma's Sampler where 3 or 4 varieties of ribs were in one dish. Oh and the Skillet Cookie Sundae was heavenly!! The chocolate syrup and chocoalte chip cookie was so rich and flavorful then balanced out by the huge scoop of cool vanilla ice cream on top!
Afterwards, i felt soo full and i felt uneasy with my top- i wanted to wear something more comfy, something that would allow me to move easily and not keep worrying that my fats would show. This feeling of mine took us to the glorietta tiangge area, bench, crossings department store and finally to Plains and Prints where i finally found this really cute girly top that i can also wear in the office! I dont' really know how to describe clothes so just take my word for it that its cute and girly. THe more important thing is that it hid my fats!
However, after finally changing clothes, it was too late to follow through with our plan of painting ceramics at Color Me Mine. This is sooooo depressing...well coz ive really wanted to go paint ever since last week...no one's to blame but me of course coz i shouldve managed my time better. I had a birthday party to attend to so i had to hed home by 5pm. I think i finished looking for clothes at around 4pm! The Colore Me Mine shop in Shangrila was reserved for a party and it was too late to go to the Podium branch.... awwwww. I was so disappointed that i even cried about this when i got home.. i dunno i just felt so bad. After crying, i felt a bit better with some hope restored that the Accenture tie up with the store would stil be renewed.
THere! I just wanted to let that out, hehehe. That's what blogs are for! :)
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I am hyper again! (What's new?)
I'm still up and about coz I ate a late late dinner at around 8:45pm coz i didn't want to go home and disappoint my mom by not eating my baon. I forgot that we were supposed to eat lunch out today at the office coz some ex-project friends were visiting the area..so i planned to eat my lunch during dinner time. Then, to everyone's surprise, Eddie, our ex-projectmate who went to Singapore suddenly popped up in the office carrying 3 boxes of Yellow Cab Pizza at around 430 -5ish! So there! That is also a perfect example of why im getting really fat!
Aside from my current addiction to Milky Way Midnight, i eat a lot of extra and 'yummy' foods that i'd shy away from before, hehehe. The mini Milky Way Midnight bars came from our officemates who just arrived from Chicago! It's called midnight because of the dark chocolate! Ooooh, i just love, absolutely love dark chocolate! They brought so much i felt that i could die in chocolate ecstasy and go to chocolate heaven!!!
*******
Oh i bought a new book! The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. I was first attracted to the cover design--butterflies! Then, the title caught my eye so i read the summary at the back and the story was interesting and unlike the usual love stories. I stil haven't read it though, coz i want to read it when i have ample time to at least read through 3 chapters!
Here's a picture and the synopsis at the back of the book .
I'm still up and about coz I ate a late late dinner at around 8:45pm coz i didn't want to go home and disappoint my mom by not eating my baon. I forgot that we were supposed to eat lunch out today at the office coz some ex-project friends were visiting the area..so i planned to eat my lunch during dinner time. Then, to everyone's surprise, Eddie, our ex-projectmate who went to Singapore suddenly popped up in the office carrying 3 boxes of Yellow Cab Pizza at around 430 -5ish! So there! That is also a perfect example of why im getting really fat!
Aside from my current addiction to Milky Way Midnight, i eat a lot of extra and 'yummy' foods that i'd shy away from before, hehehe. The mini Milky Way Midnight bars came from our officemates who just arrived from Chicago! It's called midnight because of the dark chocolate! Ooooh, i just love, absolutely love dark chocolate! They brought so much i felt that i could die in chocolate ecstasy and go to chocolate heaven!!!*******
Oh i bought a new book! The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. I was first attracted to the cover design--butterflies! Then, the title caught my eye so i read the summary at the back and the story was interesting and unlike the usual love stories. I stil haven't read it though, coz i want to read it when i have ample time to at least read through 3 chapters!
Here's a picture and the synopsis at the back of the book .
LEO GURSKY is trying ot survive a little bit longer, tapping his radiator each evening to let his upstairs neighbour know he's still alive, drawing attention to himself at the milk counter of Starbucks. But life wasnt always like this. Sixty years ago, in the Polish village where he was born, Leo fell in love and wrote a book. And although he doesn't know it, that book also survived; it crossed oceans and generations, and changed lives..
Fourteen-year-old Alma was named after a character in that book. These days, she has her hands full keeping track of her little brother Bird (who thinks he might be the Messiah) and taking copious notes in her book, How to Survive int he Wild, Volume three. But when a mysterious letter arrives in the post she undertakes an adventure to find her namesake, and save her family.
In her extraordinary new novel Nicole Krauss has created some of the most memorable and moving character in recent fiction. A tale brimming with laughter, passion and soaring imaginative powers, The History of Love confirms Nicole Krauss as one of the most remarkable writers of her generation.
I can't wait to read it, i can't wait till the weekend arrives! Weekend means a lot of fun and exciting stuff for me:
- end of primary support
- movie marathon with Drich (Stealth, Machinist, Wedding Crashers)
- no work!!!
- birthday party of my sis-in-law
Hmm, to tell you honestly, im actually quite anxious about the birthday party. My family still doesn't know that i have a boyfriend already but i do hope that they have a hunch to make things a lot easier for me. Can they just not ask me directly and simply assume that i have a boyfriend already? Hehehe, yes i know, kinda immature, but i can't really get over this fear yet. I really feel uneasy when my family talks about my love life...i think my paranoia comes from my image in the family, as the youngest, the baby and i dunno why im still having a hangover over that...im having a hard time showing them my grown up side... just thinking about it makes my heart race faster already (Argh). Another reason why im uneasy is because they weren't really supportive of my last relationship, but i really really really hope and pray to God that things will be different this time.
And the there's my Dad. My chinese Dad who married my Filipina mom, but stil has chinese values, beliefs and tranditions. I also pray to God that he won't be a hypocrite...
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Oh my gosh! I just want to comment on the post i made last April 27th..
I was hoping that the time wouldnt come that i'd have to choose between someone i love
but doesn't love me back that much and someone who loves me but i don't love that much.
Maybe i shouldn't choose at all. I'll just sit and wait for my perfect match...if that
someone really exists....Is my Superman born or is he made?
My answer is: My Superman was born and was made into who he is right now.
Why? Coz i finally found my match..i finally found that person that im looking for all my
life..that guy who'd sweep me off my feet with his romantic ideas, the guy who'd love me so much and wouldn't be afraid to express his feelings for me...the guy who'd love me for me, warts and all, who'd respect me, and understand me, more importantly, the guy who'd be there for me, who'd be willing to go the distance for me when im in need :)
Gosh, i just feel so lucky....I will post some of the romantic stuff that i thought would be forever kept in my dreams but became reality just a few weeks ago...soon!
I was hoping that the time wouldnt come that i'd have to choose between someone i love
but doesn't love me back that much and someone who loves me but i don't love that much.
Maybe i shouldn't choose at all. I'll just sit and wait for my perfect match...if that
someone really exists....Is my Superman born or is he made?
My answer is: My Superman was born and was made into who he is right now.
Why? Coz i finally found my match..i finally found that person that im looking for all my
life..that guy who'd sweep me off my feet with his romantic ideas, the guy who'd love me so much and wouldn't be afraid to express his feelings for me...the guy who'd love me for me, warts and all, who'd respect me, and understand me, more importantly, the guy who'd be there for me, who'd be willing to go the distance for me when im in need :)
Gosh, i just feel so lucky....I will post some of the romantic stuff that i thought would be forever kept in my dreams but became reality just a few weeks ago...soon!
I just got home from Makati and im blogging cause i have the office laptop with me...i am cursed! Cursed with the Holiday support! This means that even though GMA declared Monday to be a non-working holiday so that Filipinos can take time out to listen to her SONA (or the real reason being there might be bombings in Metro Manila or she might get assasinated or she could get overthrown from her throne, etc) i still have to go to the office and dosupport work!
I get paid extra but im not really after the money. Anyway, i guess im used to it already, i just don't like it when stuff suddenly go wrong when they shouldn't cause usually, during these unscheduled holidays, i plan something out...simple, destressing stuff like having coffee with friends or go malling or working out at the gym which will get bumped off to a later time or worst, later date if work at the office goes haywire.
So anyway, another reason why im blogging is cause i can't sleep yet. The food i ate still has to get digested a bit more before i hit the sack or i might get nightmares or more realistically speaking, get extra tricep flab or thigh flab, hehehe. Aldrich (the boyfriend!) and I had a late dinner at Teriyaki Boy cause we got so caught up with ceramic painting at Color Me Mine inside the Hobbes store at Greenbelt 3! Accenture peeps get to paint for free (yey!)--at least that makes me happy despite all the stressfull workload! Each one of us can choose an unpainted ceramic with the maximum worth of 1000 pesos per visit, meaning we can even paint two little ceramics in one day! Cool!
Anyway, we bumped into Nina, another officemate, while we were there at the store, then my team lead Michi followed. So there were four of us happily painting and pointing at each other's work in one table. Aldrich and I chose a baby rhinoceros, Nina got a birdhouse and Michi a vase with fruit drawing.
I, of course, planned to make my little rhino look girly and babyish as possible--para cute! hehehe. I chose pink, violet, flesh and all those pastel colors--we get to choose 5 colors. Aldrich, on the other hand, wanted to make his rhino look dark and menacing, which hmmmm, i can say came out kinda warrior-like at the end. The store ran out black paint so we had to make do with what's available, Aldrich's rhino reminded me of E.Honda from StreetFighter coz it had colorful face paint which made it kinda mean looking; while, my rhino had nail polish and lipstick, oh and eye shadow, hahhahaha!
I took a picture of the unpainted ones, i'll post the finished product when we get them two weeks from now since they still have to be baked and glazed to achieve that 'ceramic' look.
ALDRICH & GRACIE'S RHINO
I'll leave this post hanging for the moment coz im sleepy already...zzzzzzz
I get paid extra but im not really after the money. Anyway, i guess im used to it already, i just don't like it when stuff suddenly go wrong when they shouldn't cause usually, during these unscheduled holidays, i plan something out...simple, destressing stuff like having coffee with friends or go malling or working out at the gym which will get bumped off to a later time or worst, later date if work at the office goes haywire.
So anyway, another reason why im blogging is cause i can't sleep yet. The food i ate still has to get digested a bit more before i hit the sack or i might get nightmares or more realistically speaking, get extra tricep flab or thigh flab, hehehe. Aldrich (the boyfriend!) and I had a late dinner at Teriyaki Boy cause we got so caught up with ceramic painting at Color Me Mine inside the Hobbes store at Greenbelt 3! Accenture peeps get to paint for free (yey!)--at least that makes me happy despite all the stressfull workload! Each one of us can choose an unpainted ceramic with the maximum worth of 1000 pesos per visit, meaning we can even paint two little ceramics in one day! Cool!
Anyway, we bumped into Nina, another officemate, while we were there at the store, then my team lead Michi followed. So there were four of us happily painting and pointing at each other's work in one table. Aldrich and I chose a baby rhinoceros, Nina got a birdhouse and Michi a vase with fruit drawing.
I, of course, planned to make my little rhino look girly and babyish as possible--para cute! hehehe. I chose pink, violet, flesh and all those pastel colors--we get to choose 5 colors. Aldrich, on the other hand, wanted to make his rhino look dark and menacing, which hmmmm, i can say came out kinda warrior-like at the end. The store ran out black paint so we had to make do with what's available, Aldrich's rhino reminded me of E.Honda from StreetFighter coz it had colorful face paint which made it kinda mean looking; while, my rhino had nail polish and lipstick, oh and eye shadow, hahhahaha!
I took a picture of the unpainted ones, i'll post the finished product when we get them two weeks from now since they still have to be baked and glazed to achieve that 'ceramic' look.
ALDRICH & GRACIE'S RHINO
I'll leave this post hanging for the moment coz im sleepy already...zzzzzzz
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
I've not updated in months and this isn't a decent update either....i'm feeling grumpy coz im hungry (sheesh, im rhyming now) so i just want to broadcast that to the whole world hehehe...
About a gazillion things have happened and changed in my life in the span of 2 months and i just don't know where to start the story!!
I will just list down what i remember and try not to expound as much as i can. I want to give the details in a different post when im in a better mood.
The list below is not in order of importance...or any other order.
1. I have pierced ears already! (after 22 years)
2. I have a credit card already!
3. I've enrolled in Fitness First!
4. I'm really, really, really, extremely fat (Read: gained around 15 lbs!)
5. Got myself decent rubber shoes..and bought it with my own money
6. Got a VCD player in my room..finally!!
7. Im in a relationship again, heheheh :) --> this actually branches off into a lot of sub-stories like the romantic dates and places that i've gone too, and why i love this guy so much, and the numerous things that we have in common, etc. ( i promised i wont' expound too much :-P)
8. Oh! and im gonna watch the Beauty and the Beast play this Friday!
9. Got involved in an auction. hehe.
That's it for now...my stomach is grumbling, but i'll workout first. Hopefully, i'll lose some solid fat with this sacrifice.
About a gazillion things have happened and changed in my life in the span of 2 months and i just don't know where to start the story!!
I will just list down what i remember and try not to expound as much as i can. I want to give the details in a different post when im in a better mood.
The list below is not in order of importance...or any other order.
1. I have pierced ears already! (after 22 years)
2. I have a credit card already!
3. I've enrolled in Fitness First!
4. I'm really, really, really, extremely fat (Read: gained around 15 lbs!)
5. Got myself decent rubber shoes..and bought it with my own money
6. Got a VCD player in my room..finally!!
7. Im in a relationship again, heheheh :) --> this actually branches off into a lot of sub-stories like the romantic dates and places that i've gone too, and why i love this guy so much, and the numerous things that we have in common, etc. ( i promised i wont' expound too much :-P)
8. Oh! and im gonna watch the Beauty and the Beast play this Friday!
9. Got involved in an auction. hehe.
That's it for now...my stomach is grumbling, but i'll workout first. Hopefully, i'll lose some solid fat with this sacrifice.
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