If wishes were horses…

I wish I had more self-control
I wish I knew what I really want in life
I wish I could be secure about myself
I wish I was more patient and understanding
I wish I was thinner (thighs, arms, abs)
I wish I had perfectly clear skin
I wish I was less hot-tempered
I wish I was more disciplined
I wish I had just a little more money
I wish I was more careful with my things
I wish I had more time
I wish I was not constipated
I wish I had faster metabolism
I wish I had more initiative
I wish I could stand up for myself
I wish I was more brave
I wish I was happier
I wish I was more thankful
I wish I was less bitchy
I wish I was less self-centered
I wish I was a better writer
I wish I was a better actress
I wish I was more sensitive
I wish I was more compassionate
I wish I was more loving

If wishes were horses, I'd have stables filled with horses but never know how to ride them.

Conscious self	Overall self

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I DON'T THINK THIS IS ACCURATE THOUGH...

I just came back from my first day of practicum at GMA. Today is shooting day so my friend Lilibeth (from Letran) and I were chartered off to a house in White Plains….There's so many things I want to write and say but I'm simply so pooped out! So pardon the lack of literary pulchritude--I'll be a telegram for now.

It was SCORCHING HOT! (and we couldn't open the fan while taping was going on coz it could be heard in the background)

The house was BEE-YOO-TI-FULL! (Antiques, marble, paintings, kidney-shaped pool overlooking a view of houses and mountains and trees)

Free Food! Free meals and merienda!

Production people are really nice and we just have to paalam properly if we have to absent or go home early: perfect for me!

I did a VOICE OVER! I was Mona, Rosemarie's (Antoinette Taus) friend whom she's asking for help. I give excuses and apologize why I can't help her. Hehe. I'm not sure when it will be aired, though.

We were taught the meaning of production codes such as I/N, E/N, I/D, E/D, Cure, Insert, Episodes, Sequences, Takes , etc. We were also given a list of sequences and the characters in each.

I went home early today (8pm) since it's our first day to report. Our schedule is MWF pre-production at GMA 2pm onwards. TTHS are taping days, 7am till morning the next day. I'll probably be staying just until 12 midnight or something. I'll have to think it over pa.

Behind the scenes info, chikka, etc.

I'd say it's the start of a fun experience at GMA. I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE!

Picky with Practicum

I finally called up GMA.

After hearing that there were still openings at the NEWS dept., i called up Ma'am Christine to ask to be reassigned. But it turns out that i was too late, the slots were filled up probably because i didn't call her up as soon as i knew. (I was at the Circle of 10 orientation and mini fashion show yesterday up until 10:00 pm!)

What the heck, i told myself. I'd still give it a shot since Ma'am Christine gave her word she does not allow practicumers to stay overnight in the studio.(What about Dior and her practicum-mates?) Anyway, Abby Quizon told me to report at 10am tomorrow to Ninon at the 7th floor.

Right now, i am once again undecided if i should have my practicum at GMA. Dior texted me that she got in ABS-CBN even though she was wait-listed and practicumers there are assigned to the NEWS department. So i'm giving it a shot and passing my resume there tomorrow before reporting to GMA.

I'll also be passing resumes to Summit Media (Cosmo/Seventeen), CHALK, MEG and PINK. I feel that i have a good chance of getting in the magazines, so i might take a second practicum in one of those mags if i still have time after my first one.

I am torn, so torn! Just a while ago, i decided to just let it be--that i should just concentrate on my practicum and follow whatever sched they give me. But now, i'm having that feeling of DREAD again. Sigh, why does it have to be this complicated? I wish i had time to do everything and grab all the opportunities but it just doesn't work that way.

Choices, Sacrifices, Regrets

I've temporarily dealt with the Circle of 10 thing. I told myself to continue as long as i can, if my practicum does not permit then i'll quit. I know that what i wrote is such a lie and that it'll be a super hard decision to make when the time finally comes. Augh!

Here's a rundown of what's gonna happen.

• April 23-27 (any day)-- Free Salon Service at Randy Florendo Salon
  
  
• April 28-30 (candidates scheduled/batch/day)--Pictorial
  
  
• 1st Wk of May-- Workshops/Group Dynamics/Basic Acting
  
  
• 2nd Wk of May-- Ramp Modeling Workshop/Acting on Camera Workshop
  
  
• 3rd Wk of May-- Dance Workshop/VTR Workshop
  
  
• 4th Wk of May-- Make-over Workshop/ Personality Dev't
  
  **For the whole month of May, mini fashion shows or bar tours may be scheduled every weekend**
  
  
• 1st Wk of June-- Fun Shoots/Outing/Team Building
  (Rumor has it that this will be in BORACAY!)
  
  
• 2nd Wk of June to July (weekends) Meeting w Pageant Director and start of rehearsals
  
  
• Month of July--
  
  
  • regular weekend rehearsals
    
  • fitting/measurements w/ designers
    
  • press conference/media launch
    
  • TV guestings
    
  • Additional fashion shows if any
    
  • Sponsors' Night/Talent Night (tentative)
  
  
  
• Aug 1-8 (6-10pm)--regualr REHARSALS and Technical Dress Rehearsals
  
  
• Aug 9, 2003-- PAGEANT NIGHT (target date)

As you can see, this 'model search' proves to be another problem, another complication in an already complicated summer schedule. Not only am i having difficulty reconciling my Vanilla Coke/VTRs/Go-See Scheds with my practicum, but also with this whole Circle of 10 thing! Go-sees and VTRs can be skipped with a just a tinge of regret, Vanilla Coke has the lesser pay option, i just don't know what to do with the Circle.

I'm not really sure if it's even worth it that i get binded by a 1 year contract with Ivan Entertainment (all candidates will be). I'm not even assured of getting in the 10 (which will only get a prize money of 20 thou and gift cheques, freebies, etc.) and what guarantee do i get from signing an exclusive contract with them? Honestly, even though this model search has been in it's fourth year, they don't seem to have much to boast of than Karen delos Santos?!? and nameless commercial and ramp models--or so they say. But i guess it's still an experience that i will surely learn from. I'm just not sure if what i learn will be worth those that i give up.

Other Plans for Summer and Beyond

Inquirer's 2bU! is accepting new correspondents! I will definitely try out although grapevine has it that mostly guys will be accepted since i think there's a dearth of male correspondents. Well, I'm still gonna try out coz i'd rather have a little probablity of getting in than no probability at all.

I'm reapplying for the Inquiry staff of Guidon. I hope Trina, the new Inquiry editor, will still have me. We need to make a portfolio of all our articles and undergo an interview. I am assuming that we should be ready to criticize, scrutinize and analyze our previous works and give suggestions for improvement? If ever it comes up in the interview, I PROMISE TO ALWAYS MEET THE DEADLINE! Hey, I'm turning over a new leaf! I hope they give me a chance.

Uh-oh. I just remembered that i'll be joining Mel in Chinoy, the official publication of Celadon. Mel's the EIC there! Hmmm, well, wherever i get accepted, i shall do my best in balancing everything out. I must sharpen my time management skills! (Which if you have to know, i'm very bad at, hehe)

P.S. I just talked to Dior and she has successfully washed off a lot of my DREAD for tomorrow's practicum. Dior's like the sunshine and rainbow rolled into one! Wish me luck, i'll be at the taping of Sana Ikaw Na Nga tomorrow morning.

P.P.S. Fatima, my friend from Circle of 10, just called. We set thet date of our free grooming on Sat, 3pm. Awww, I'm really gonna miss her and my other friends there when the time comes that i have to quit. Boohoo, torn.

<I DON'T WANT TO PRACTICUM AT GMA!!!
This is horrible! Yesterday, Dior went to GMA to submit some stuff and the prod assistant or something gave her an errand to run immediately! She was asked to buy a ream of bond paper at National Bookstore Panay Ave. --ride a taxi daw. But she was just passing stuff and not starting her internship yet, so she explained to the head and the head just asked someone else to do it.

My problem isn't about being asked to run errands before starting the practicum, my problem is being asked to run those kinds of errands! Can you imagine me riding a taxi alone to Panay Ave. to buy bond paper?!!! What the hell is this? Is this really how the practicum is supposed to be--be like a maid or utusan or something similar? Nooo! If so, then i don't want to undergo practicum!!!!

I was at first elated to find out that i got in GMA but my bubble deflated a little when i knew that i was assigned at Sana Ikaw na Nga! I mean , hello, my course is broadcast journalism not Acting! I dont' want to be an artista. Hmph! Don is in Debate, Trixie in Extra!Extra!, Andrea in S-files, then why did Dior get assigned in Beh Bote Nga and me in a soap opera?!! Why oh why!? I do not understand!

Drastic Measures
So, i asked Kristine Fonacier, the EIC of MTV INK if they're still accepting practicumers. She said they had 3 already but are stil willing to accept if the person really wants to write. There's also NEWSWEEK who's office is 2 units away from ours. My other prospects are magazines like PINK and those other glossies. How about E! Philippines? I really don't know what to do!

GMA would be a bit ok if only they would follow the schedule they let us put in the index card we submitted to them. The sched that's perfect for me is Mondays to Thursdays, 8-12 am. I have Vanilla Coke on Fridays and Sundays and VTRs and Go-cs usually happen in the afternoon. AAArgh, this sucks!

I've tried calling up the contact person 2x but she's not around. I don't know if i want to start at all, I don't know if i should work at GMA at all. My friend Diana OJT-ed at Singapore Embassy coz her course is Diplomatic Affairs, and she said they weren't asked to run those kinds of errands. BOOHOO I really don't know what to do!

PRACTICUM 911
Help me, Nikki and Mel! What time is I-witness? Do you know if they'll let you run those kinds of errands? Someone give me some advice to cheer me up, what should i do? I mean yeah it may be a big honor to get in GMA, but if the treatment's like that, i rather be somewhere else less prestigious but where i'd learn more. Diba? Should i try out the magazines? Please e-mail me your advices or anything you would wanna say, i'll be with Oli's family at Mauban, Quezon starting tomorrow till Sunday morning. I was hoping to start practicum on April 21 but i think i need more time to think about it. Thanks very much, i'd really appreciate any kind of advice!

10 Reasons Why I Love Summer Vaction

1. I can wake up any time i want without worrying about being late for class
   
2. I have the luxury of relaxing and reading a magazine just for the heck of it
   
3. I can watch television without the guilt of unfinished homework (Super Jack en Poy, Ally Mcbeal, Charmed, Malcom in the Middle, etc!)
   
4. I have time to do what i really want and not what i need to do
   
5. I have time to take long luxurious baths and put lots of body goop afterwards
   
6. I can hang out in the mall all day in careless abandon
   
7. I have time to learn stuff that i'm really interested in (HTML & Website stuff) than things that i need to learn (theo, philo--although they've proven to be helpful, too) Hehe
   
8. I have time to indulge my mind and put my creative juices to work. (From reading novels to magazines to comic books to doing whatever at all)
   
9. I am less stressed and have better body rhythms and cycles!
   
10. I have so much time in my hands to clean my room, attend workshops, and simply enjoy and loaf around! Hay, the joy of summer vacation!
    

Here's an anecdote: Let's say during a job interview for a position that you absolutely want with a passion, the interviewer asks you if you know how to cook because it's crucial for the job, (but you don't really know how to cook) what would you answer?

The Answer: You should answer "Yes!" that you know how to cook!

The Interview says: Ok, you can start in a week.

What you should do next: Hit the cooking workshops and learn how to cook!

Lesson: When you give your word and there's something else on the line, the more you would give your all in "keeping your word."

Just think if you had said no, then instant goodbye to the job that you've been dying to have.

This anecdote is related to what just happened to me a while ago when i submitted my picture for a jeans ad needing Spanish, Asian and Filipino looking models. Here's what happened...I shake Kyla's hand (the person in charge) and start writing down my name, vitals, contact number in an index card and then submit my picture. I didn't really think I'd get in since it was a jeans ad and i thought a 'whatever' jeans ad only. Well, i was mistaken. After submitting my pics, Kyla shakes my hand again and tells me the details: It's a jeans ad, shooting will be on April 24-26 and budget is 100,000 whopping pesos! She said she'd give me a call if my picture is approved.

AAARGH! Why did she have to tell me the details after i wrote down my stupid vitals? I wrote down 34.5-26-35. But that's not TRUE! My hips are size 34! I just thought that since my waist was kinda big, so having a larger hip would compensate! That was stupid, now that i realize it! AAAARGH! I should've just written 34.5-25-34. Oh, how i hate myself for lessening my chance of getting in! Damn, damn, damn. What i hate most in this world is the feeling of regret.

This is a jeans ad so your waist and hip matter a lot. I read in Modelfocus.com that the ideal model size they'd like would be around the 33-24-34 range. Well frankly, i don't care about the 33 part, mine's 34.5 and i still like 'em bigger if you ask me. Anyway, i should've just written 25 instead of 26! I should've just lied about my waist size--they wouldn't have known a while ago anyway--argh and then try to achieve that size afterwards!

Oh well, there's nothing i can do right now and just hope that they'd approve my picture. I submitted a close-up picture by the way so maybe i'd have a better chance of getting in if they don't judge by the vitals, hehe. I have my fingers crossed but still not hoping too much, i don't want to be disappointed too much either.

ain't they cute?

04.04.03
120 hours of Practicum
I don't know why but i'm not the least bit excited about doing my practicum,the idea bores me right now actually. I see it as a hassle, as something that i have to accomplish again for school. Something "graded", forced, not fun.

It's odd actually since i was just raving about the whole practicum thing some months back, but now that it's just a few weeks away, i don't want it anymore. Can't i just enjoy my summer vacation and do what i want with it?

I wish i'd get more modeling jobs na lang--i get paid and have fun, too! But this is something i still have to work on....

I guess there's no backing out of the practicum thing, like i have a choice! I'm gonna submit my resume to GMA tomorrow and i have to be interviewed! I've always dreaded interviews, because it scares me that they'll find out how stupid i really am! But then again, from the interviews that i've undergone, i guess it also matters how you carry yourself-the confidence-and your credentials. Ateneo has helped me a lot in getting in for my Coke promos and Nokia summer job. I just hope 'Ateneo' will help me make it for GMA, too.
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