Book Review: The Help

The Help

By Kathryn Stockett

An insightful read that opens curious minds to the world of segregation in 1940s America when small battles had begun questioning the norm of what more can life become for "colored" people in the south. Though simply a shadow of the rich stories in the book, it reminds me of my personal struggle to live with and keep helpers in my own home. There is no written rulebook and so my guidelines are sinply based on the experience of my elders, peers, and what I would think I would like to enjoy if I were in their shoes. I try to emphatize as much as I can yet it is not within my grasp as their world is so much different than my own. 

2020!

Two years have passed without a blog entry. It is telling of what happened to my life at that point. I had trouble balancing work and life again.

I have since realized this, though painstakingly, and have made steps to try to put things back to order.

March 2017 - I became a Manager to 14 people
2018 - Some things have left a mark:

• Feb -  I got a pre-selling condo 
•            Employee survey results
• May - Couple trip to Japan
• June - Resignation of person I groomed
• July - Canceled work trip to the US
• Dec - I went to the US with my family for a personal trip

2019

• Feb - I take a personal out of town trip to attend a friend's wedding and regain ties with my former colleagues and boss. My work still follows as I had to make decisions while on leave
•           I have finally shared thoughts of stopping work with family members due to teacher feedback of how my child has been behaving in school
• Mar - I tendered my resignation from work. 
•            My 3.8 year old daughter was assessed to only be 1.5 years old developmentally
• Apr - I left work for good
• June - My 3.11 year old daughter was reassessed to be 3.1 years old developmentally
• July - Weekly speech and occupational therapy ensues and her improvement is phenomenal
• Dec - We find out that we are relocating to Singapore in February 2020

It's 2020 now and finally the initial anxiety has worn off and I have started decluttering and preparing for our move!

I also learned that one of my friends was diagnosed with clinical depression last year and have kept the monster at bay. Her sharing helped me to be more mindful and it was also a silent affirmation of what could have happened to me if my life continued on as before  

Poem of Goodbye

Why did you have to leave?
I understand why
but may heart can't comprehend
It hurts when I go through the dates
And remember the time you said
You're leaving.. forever
Nowhere near, yet farther than ever

A part of me has gone away
Anchors shaken, still surviving
Uncertain on my footing, still struggling
But it has to be this way, I know
It's really time for you to go.

#asbcd

My Updates...

Hello LJ!

How ya doin? I wanted to see how my friend @dreamspinner_ was doing so I logged in to  my LJ account after a looong time!

What's up with me? TONS!

Since I haven't updated since 2011, you probably don't know a lot of major things that have happened in my life since then. I think the last you know is that I've graduated from MBA, haha!!

2012.03 - My mom died of cancer.
2012.03 - I started a job at ACS Xerox that lasted for less than a year. MOA and Test Automation did no good for my grieving heart.
2013.01 - I started work at RealPage in Ortigas.
2013.05 - I got married to Maddy :) We lived at a condo in San Juan during this time. We acquired pet fishes and an English Bulldog.
2014.03 - We moved to Project 3, Quezon City.
2014.08 - I got a Golden Retriever.
2014.11 - I found out I'm pregnant!!!
2015.02 - I gave away my Golden Retriever
2015.07 - I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl :) Gianna Elise.
***SLEEPLESS NIGHTS*** **MOMMY CHALLENGES*** **WORKING MOM CHALLENGES** Lesson: Not everything you plan goes the way you want it to, especially if you are a mother!!
2015.12 - Spent New Year in Singapore with a 5 month old baby.
2016.02 - My dad passed away.
2016.12 - Now. I learn they want to promote me to manager - just a year after I get promoted to BA IV. Seriously? I have accepted the challenge, though.

Let's see what the future holds!!

New Year

Wow, I just realized that the entire 2015 passed by without me writing a post!

Well, I was pregnant on the latter part of 2014 and upto July 2015. Then I had a baby! Now, she's 7 months old. I think that's excuse enough not to blog.

I'm writing right now because I'm feeling anxious.

My dad has been in the hospital since Feb 6 and things are not looking good.

I feel jumpy today.

That's all for now.

Status Check

I've been married for 8 months and counting!

We are going to move from a condo to a townhouse/apartment next month!

I have 3 fishes and 1 dog!

I've joined a freelance writing group and I'm starting to write on my blog again!

After 9 years of staying on the Quality Assurance career path, I was given the opportunity to 'move up' to Business Analysis and now I'm officially a Business Analyst. Level 3 at that! (I must put in effort to earn the title that I currently hold)

My husband is sleeping right now so I'm just typing away on my laptop beside the fish that I thought committed suicide. There were 2 previous ones that did -- I'm not sure why..it seems such a crazy thing to do! Good thing, the fish named Bleu is still in his aquarium and just did a very clever camouflage for the whole 3 minutes that I was searching for him!!

On Being Married
It just feels so right but I still need to work on my domestic skills and being more patient. I also need to improve my health and get fit so that we'll have greater chances of having our own progeny.

On Moving Out
Condo living is really nice and convenient but at the same time it's a hassle because of the rules and limitations of the place. You're really living in a shared space with a lot of people and the only space that you can almost call yours is your unit. It's not even totally yours because you have design rules to follow like you can only use white curtains and your air conditioner has to be this type only. You can't have furniture delivered to you on weekdays or holidays -- it needs to be on office hours so you'll have to take a day off from work. You can't leave your dog on the balcony, too cause the neighbors complain that it barks a lot and the reason they moved to a condo is to have a nice and quiet place -- or so they think.

Bottom line, I'm just glad we're moving out except for the additional travel time that our new place will cost us. I think I'll learn a lot again once I start living there.

On Having Pets
I finally have a dog that I personally take care of. I do have the help of my husband  because it's technically his dog (it's my gift to him) but since we're married then its OUR dog. Although my personal preference for a pet would be a Golden Retriever, I don't think I or our space is ready yet for such a big and active breed. Ippo, our current dog, is an English Bulldog who is 4 months old and oh so cute. I've already learned so much from him-- lessons that are comparable to taking care of a human baby. Slowly, I'm learning to give myself more without expecting anything in return. Thanks to cute, innocent dogs like Ippo :)

Fish seem easy to take care of but patience and preparation is required because lo and behold, they are very sensitive to water! If water comes from the faucet, then a cycling period has to pass before you can let the fish into that water; otherwise, they get stressed, lose color, go crazy, and ultimately, die.

On Writing 
My MSI row has been blank for a long time because I have nothing to put in. Even though it is still blank right now, at least I'm part of a group that could possibly give me an additional source of income. Chocolate is Salad. I'm excited that I'm finally doing something that I really enjoy (without the guilt!). Pun intended.

On Career Change
I'm technically a Business Analyst on paper but I'm still doing Quality Assurance work until we find a replacement for that role of mine. In any case, I have to do well in my new role because that's what I'm going to be evaluated against. I thought of taking some courses, reading books, but ultimately, I'd need experience and good mentors to help me grow into the role. Business Analysis involves a lot of writing, some interaction with clients depending on their location and a whole lot of explaining and translating ideas between specialized groups in a way that everyone will be on the same page. Exciting and challenging, indeed!

An Itch in Time...

I just can't seem to let this go...it has affected me like a microscopic cell multiplying abnormally inside me.

It's all about trust but I guess I haven't completely earned hers though she says I have...

I'm so confused and simply affected.

This is petty in the grand scheme of things, but it's like a mosquito bite that swells on and keeps itching. When I scratch, the swelling grows; I try to ignore, but it's still there.

So I planned my vacation last November, graciously asked my teammate when she will have hers so that I won't get the same date as her knowing that there's only two of us coz we can't be gone the same time. Support and concern and all that.

So I planned mine on the 2nd and 3rd days of the New Year. It has been verbally approved and our US bosses have no qualms about it.

Then come actual formal approval time, when I raise that I will just use my accumulated overtimes to offset those 2 days that I will be on leave...

Bam.. I get a conditional approval or just 1 date approved coz supposedly that was our testing schedule. Or if I can assure that there's not major risk or impact then it would be fine. I reply via email and assure but no, that's not enough, a tangible written schedule is needed.


What the hell??? I'm the freaking QA Lead, would I carelessly just leave and not care if we can finish our work or not?

I'm royally offended. Have I not shown good performance and general responsibiliity and commitment to my work that you ask this of me??

Logically speaking, yes, I understand. But this act is so Sheldon Cooperish!

Even though how many times I try to run it through my head that what she is asking is logical - that the testing schedule is really something I will create and show her -- I don't want it to be the sole basis of the approval of my leave

Man, I took certain leaps of faith with my team member so she will feel that human connection and concern that people in a team expect of their bosses as a basic requirement. Yet, here I am, blogging about this because I did not get the same concern. My leave doesn't  even need a freaking leap of faith -- it's just the basic act of trusting your lead that she knows how to manage her team and her work.

Fumes steam out of my ears as I write this.

I just wish I can get over this issue. I want it to be gone so it would stop bringing me down and making me think of how dissatisfied I am -- not of my actual work-- but of the culture permeating in our team due to unpredictable management.

I have been able to lower my expectations immensely previously when I moved from my first work to the second coz apparently my manager there was an administrative type of manager. When that became clear, everything fell into place and there was peace.

I haven't found peace at my current workplace yet...the cliche of women being unpredictable as the weather -- that' what I'm experiencing right now with my manager.

I need to expect the unexpected. I hope I'll be able to internalize all this information and find a complex pattern of adaptation so that I can work in peace. I want stay here for a longer time - standard 3 years -- so help me God.

October

Today. I'm just happy about finally having a book case. But I don't want to keep wanting things and feel unsatisfied after I've gotten them. Nothing is eternal.

Next month. Feels hectic. Even the last half of this month...so help me God.

I just watched Bones... how can a mother ever not want her child and call other gang members her family. #alamna It happens and when it does, it just breaks your heart. Poor kid. I know there's a lot out there and that's were all the crime and violence come from. Tsk, poor kid.

Time to sleep, lots of work to do tomorrow.

Let's see how everything falls into place.

Home on a Monday

Home on a Monday for my 'monthly' leave to offset the overtime hours I rendered for the past week. Last night, I had a plan for today of going to the post office, doing the laundy, cleaning the toilets and fixing up the second room

At 5pm today, I've just accomplished going to the post office. Haha.

Watching movies on the laptop and surfing the net seemed more interesting.

While surfing, I stumbled upon some stuff that would supposedly improve my health and physical well-being...I would need a blender, though, to carry it out. Read: http://www.thesuperfoodgrocer.com/

I've been mulling over other purchases as well: a bookcase and an electric oven.

The bookcase shopping did not push through this weekend coz of the code yellow rains which prompted my previously Cainta-based husband to just want to stay at home. I think people who live in Marikina and Rizal have some trauma left in them from the Ondoy tragedy of 2009.

On the other hand, electric oven seems such a big purchase and to convince myself to wait a little longer, I've decided to 'reward' myself with the oven only until I've reached a desired weight. I'm still deciding which weight to aim for.. the ideal, non-overweight, short of impossible one or the 30 lbs less more realistic but still hard one?

I'll probably go with the more realistic one. The greatest possible irony would be that by the time I reach my goal weight, I'd be living so 'healthily' and would not want an electric oven to bake chocolate goodies with anymore! There's always savory stuff like baked fish...we'll see.

So.. I should go do the laundry now. Ciao!

Meh

I feel "meh" and "bleh" today. Good thing my husband offered to drive me to work! Yipee :)

Emergency Numbers

I read so many self-help books before but retained nothing for actual use in my life. I realized that there is only one book or instruction manual that is really applicable for living one's life.. and that is the Bible.

Someone posted this in facebook and i just 'called' number 11 and 12.
11. When you grow bitter and critical, 12. For how to get along with other men.

I am bothered by my reaction to people for the past days -- getting annoyed easily, feeling self-righteous and indignant. I'm happy though that I still have enough sensitivity to realize that something's amiss.. too much complaining, too much analyzing who should really be responsible or how something should be done instead.

I'm happy to have read 1 Corinthians 13. It's the LOVE verse. People usually think it's only for lovers, but reading the NCV (New Contemporary Version) of the Bible pinpointed that it's applicable for everyone. I may have so much faith, so much gifts and talents, and so much knowledge, but I gain nothing if I do not have LOVE.

Romans 12, on the other hand, is about treating your enemies well. Show them kindness even if they are mean, love them even if they hate you.. this appreantly is like pouring burning coal over their heads.

I need to exude more love at work and with my family, especialy with my dad or whoever tries to give me something to do. I wish I could be as loving as my mom. When trouble befalls me, I want to be able to give love and not burden other people with my stress and frustration. Because I cannot speak or express myself well verbally, I hope God gives me the talent to express good things through my actions and my facial expressions.

May I also learn to pray for others and not just for myself.