An Itch in Time...

I just can't seem to let this go...it has affected me like a microscopic cell multiplying abnormally inside me.

It's all about trust but I guess I haven't completely earned hers though she says I have...

I'm so confused and simply affected.

This is petty in the grand scheme of things, but it's like a mosquito bite that swells on and keeps itching. When I scratch, the swelling grows; I try to ignore, but it's still there.

So I planned my vacation last November, graciously asked my teammate when she will have hers so that I won't get the same date as her knowing that there's only two of us coz we can't be gone the same time. Support and concern and all that.

So I planned mine on the 2nd and 3rd days of the New Year. It has been verbally approved and our US bosses have no qualms about it.

Then come actual formal approval time, when I raise that I will just use my accumulated overtimes to offset those 2 days that I will be on leave...

Bam.. I get a conditional approval or just 1 date approved coz supposedly that was our testing schedule. Or if I can assure that there's not major risk or impact then it would be fine. I reply via email and assure but no, that's not enough, a tangible written schedule is needed.


What the hell??? I'm the freaking QA Lead, would I carelessly just leave and not care if we can finish our work or not?

I'm royally offended. Have I not shown good performance and general responsibiliity and commitment to my work that you ask this of me??

Logically speaking, yes, I understand. But this act is so Sheldon Cooperish!

Even though how many times I try to run it through my head that what she is asking is logical - that the testing schedule is really something I will create and show her -- I don't want it to be the sole basis of the approval of my leave

Man, I took certain leaps of faith with my team member so she will feel that human connection and concern that people in a team expect of their bosses as a basic requirement. Yet, here I am, blogging about this because I did not get the same concern. My leave doesn't  even need a freaking leap of faith -- it's just the basic act of trusting your lead that she knows how to manage her team and her work.

Fumes steam out of my ears as I write this.

I just wish I can get over this issue. I want it to be gone so it would stop bringing me down and making me think of how dissatisfied I am -- not of my actual work-- but of the culture permeating in our team due to unpredictable management.

I have been able to lower my expectations immensely previously when I moved from my first work to the second coz apparently my manager there was an administrative type of manager. When that became clear, everything fell into place and there was peace.

I haven't found peace at my current workplace yet...the cliche of women being unpredictable as the weather -- that' what I'm experiencing right now with my manager.

I need to expect the unexpected. I hope I'll be able to internalize all this information and find a complex pattern of adaptation so that I can work in peace. I want stay here for a longer time - standard 3 years -- so help me God.