Stress & Freedom

Stressed. Stressed. Stressed.

Now I can use my Satsuma Oil Reed Diffuser that I specifically bought for situations like these. Although I realize now that its a 'subtle' type of air freshener so I sniffed on the bottle with oil for the meantime since I need a quick fix.

Things that de-stress me
1) Nature
2) Relaxing Music (oldies, acoustic, easy listening.. basta not noisy rock )
2) Surfing the net
3) Going to a mall that has good AC, few people, and nice things to look at

Freaky Freedom.

I just realized now that freedom is freaky. I've never had this level and type of freedom ever.

Of course when I was a kid, there's the rules of the school, of the parents, etc. Then at 16 i got into my first relationship with a very controlling boyfriend - that was for 5 and a half years. Then during the 9 months that I was 'technically' single, I was in this 'MU' stage with someone so basically it's the same thing without the label. Then after that, I got into my 2nd relationship which I am currently in. But now my boyfriend is in the States and he's a promoter of individuality so I have this unique kind of freedom but the assurance as well that I would still have someone when this long wait is over.

The problem is that I am only dealing with my inner demons just now because I've never had the chance to face them before since I was always focused on being in a relationship.

Mahirap pala.

There's so many tempatations these days and it's up to me and only me to restrain and stop myself. If I don't stop myself, then no one will. Scary!!!

I'm actually responsible for my own actions and my actions have grave consequences.

Sheesh. Why am I only learning this now??

I was just presented with an idea a while ago and good, obedient Grace would say "No" but then I realized that I could technically do it and no one's around to stop me.

The possibility actually frightened me.

I need to setup my own limitations and boundaries. Oh man!!!

I'll be watching DAVID COOK's Concert!!!

I got VIP tickets @ row PP Seat # 30. Dera, Gia and another officemate are seated in front of me @ row OO Seat #s 33 - 36! Woohoo!

Hanggang VIP lang kaya ko = Php 3k++, sobra na ata ang Platinum (6k++) and Titanium (12k++)!

Oh, David A. will be there as well hehehe... Can't wait for May 16!!!

A Sinner Saved By Grace!

Oh what joy! What peace I feel within that I want to burst out in song: How marvelous! How wonderful! Is the savior's love for me!:-D
Akalain mo, He would choose someone as unworthy such as I.. selfish, ungrateful, rash, weak-willed, stubborn, insensitive and the list goes on! But He loved me just as I am and was not ashamed to call me His own..

Grabe tlga, there's definitely no greater love than this!!!

What more can I respond but say I LOVE YOU back to the Lord?

I will never be the same again... Never be the same again...

I learned something very important from the small group meeting.. Something I've been doing wrong all along: I've been trying to change using my own means and effort for years and its been a cycle - up for a couple of months and down again afterwards.

Apparently this is doomed to fail because our flesh is weak. Our small group leader told us that we should ask God to change us - and that's the only way in order to succeed.

Hay grabe talaga! :-)

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Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Big Leaf!

My foot (8 inches) as point of reference! This is from the tree beside our villa in Mimosa B-)

Late Night Prayer

Dear Lord,
Please help me fight off temptations and worries... There's really nothing I can do without Your help because I am too weak by myself
① wandering mind ② the future ③ term paper ④ case ⑤ work i shall not be discouraged and will STAND FIRM in my faith...

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Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Realizations from the small group meeting

My battlescars

Syempre pag pasok ko sa room bago nasira :-(. Pero n0w i understand why... Its part of my battle with the 'self' Thank God for this!

Is this how i am

Day of Valor

I just got home!!! It's a holiday today but we had overtime work at the office, I finished around 420pm then headed off to the gym to burn the Tapa Queen Bowl I ate during lunch. I ate rice!!! I don't regret the mais con hielo.. it was yummy :)

After watching 'Miami Vice' with I think it was Colin Farrel at the gym, I went to my bro's house to interview Grace for my MktMgt term paper.

I tried to call THe Spa @ Greenbelt but they were fully booked so my 2nd choice was Suriya Spa. I was badly needing the ambiance today so I went to the one at Ascott.

The place wasn't bad, cordial and hospitable people, keyless locker, my own massage room where the stereo played on its own when I arrived. Ah, disposable undies! Cool.

There was a basin with flowers underneath the massage bed where my face was facing down on..I like the strokes of the masseuse...nice, long strokes with the right amount of pressure...just enough to make me doze off...hehehe

The ambiance was not ala The Spa but I think that would suffice for the time being 1232 ba naman + 100 tip hehehe. Gotta be generous in places like these so that you'll be remembered (in a positive light) when you come back.

Hello World

I had a great time yesterday...

Lunchout with ASCAP peeps for Gherette's birthday! We even bought him his favorite mocha cake with candles :)

Then I was able to offset 2 hours woohoo! Even though I left at 5:15, there were times that I was not really doing work but talking on the phone so I offset those hours with my previous overtimes. That made me feel accomplished already haha babaw

I met up with Edward at around 6:30 at Metrowalk and proceeded to sing until 1030pm at Platinum KTV. The rates there are per room so it's a bit expensive if there's just two of you, but it was definitely fun belting out Britney spears' songs, oldies like Buttercup and Dancing Queen and crooning to the sounds of Bryan Adams and Aerosmith. We also sang Kaleidoscope in tribute to the late Man of Manila - Francis M.
I liked Kisapmata and Harana too...I discovered an old song called Next in Line and the lyrics and message of the song is nice....different from the pop beat songs I usually sing haha

Edward mostly sang the typical guy songs and rock ones which made me remember Arvin who's in Pittsburgh right now with Tin.

We actually didn't eat dinner because the food was expensive inside the KTV so it wasn't worth it. We had free fries though and I had cappuccino at Starbucks afterwards.

Even though I had fun yesterday, I still miss Aldrich a lot. We just had our Saturday webcam session and it's just not the same without him. But i guess this is how it's gonna be for the next 2 or 5 months and I think I'm gradually getting the hang of being more independent than I'm used to.

I'm off to the gym right now to watch a movie in Cinefit while walking on the treadmill. Afterwards, I'm gonna do my MktMgt paper somewhere in the mall coz it's hot at home.

I won't be going to the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee play later @ RCBC Plaza coz I have church choir practice. No biggie really, it's a bit hassle to go to Makati again anyway. I'd rather go to church practice :)

I need to fight off my inner 'sadness' and 'loneliness' demons.

We Were the Mulvaneys

I'm always up, watching TV, it seems that I don't want to give my mind rest.. It seems that I am running away from something. I watch these shows with rape and violence and it affects me... I empathize with the characters - their fears, their pain, their suffering... I feel all of them.

I get tired emotionally.. but why do I do this? Why do I drain my energies... maybe because I'm sad? Trying to hide away from my own emotions and feeling others' instead?

I want my life to be something more than waiting for someone to come home.. but it's difficult.. I try to be strong but the uncertainty is a killer.. I don't want to feel my own pain. i can't handle it.

Tears roll down from my cheeks.. are they for me or are they for the characters I see on TV?

The world is an unbalanced place. Life's a bitch and I've got to deal with it..:(